i’m 21. i’ve made and lost millions twice before most people even figure out how to handle their first paycheck. i dealt with gambling addictions. chaos. ego. self-hate. the whole lot. i've learned a lot about myself during this time. i've grown a lot and been through experiences that would've broke most people. that being said, i actually have no clue where life goes for me from here... and it makes me emotional to even think about after everything i've been through. but i believe everything does happen for a reason, and there's always a lesson to be learned.
the first collapse was ego. the second was greed. each time, i convinced myself i was smarter, faster, untouchable. each time, i was reminded that i wasn’t. the collapse isn’t a single event. it’s a slow grind of bad decisions, unchecked impulses, and compounding failures. you tell yourself, just one more trade, one more move, one more chance, until suddenly you’re staring at ruins and wondering how you even got here.
you tell yourself you'll stop if you lose a certain number, but when you do, your mind rewires itself and now it's about getting back to where you were.
this level of dishonesty towards yourself is how collapses really happen. lower highs. lower lows. until you find yourself at the inevitable rock bottom, questioning everything.
losing it all introduces a world of pain. losing it all twice is about 10x harder. you've been here before. you should've learned. you shouldn't have made the same mistakes. will it ever happen again? the overthinking starts to fully take over, and mental health begins to completely spiral out of control.
i was stuck in this phase for almost a year. i abused certain substances just to try to find that level of peace i used to feel, although i was no where close anymore in reality. i was confused, lost, and struggling. what i had planned for life to be over the next 4-5 years was now the complete opposite. i had let family down, friends down, and most importantly, myself down.
the self sabotage became real. endless drowning in thoughts. my mental completely spiralling, and depression taking full control. i understood no one was coming to save me. but i was too drained. too tired to try and save myself. so i let go, and spiralled.
once you give the demons an inch, they take a mile. depression flooded my life. i struggled to enjoy literally anything going on, and internally was having a constant war between jason the hustler, and jason the human.
part of me really wanted to believe that what i was going through were just first world problems. that i should be grateful for everything i have going on. but the hustler in me always pushed that to the side pretty quickly, and my thoughts would find themselves right back in a negative place, remembering what i just had, and what i just lost.
many sleepless nights. many tears. many conversations with myself about what went wrong. 2025 was the worst year of my life. after my greatest year ever, the script flipped. i used to credit a lot of what happened to me, to my gaurdian angel. it seems like the demons found a way to win during that period of my life.
thinking about these demons and your problems only gives them more power.
many people only grow when the level of pain there faced with is too strong that they have no choice but to grow. similarly to when you stretch an arrow back in a bow. it reaches a point of resistant after you pull it back so much, where it either snaps, or you let go and the arrow flies a great distance.
the same way a relationship breakup gets you in a gym. or the loss of a loved one causes you to pick up a healthier/more religious lifestyle.
i felt like i had been through enough pain. i wanted to grow. i wanted to get back on track. but sometimes, you're just not ready. i'd watch the tiktok clips, i'd watch the motivational videos late at night, and feel like i was going to wake up tomorrow and completely take over.
sometimes i would get a little streak going, and would notice the difference in my lifestyle. but i would always find myself right back to where i started. thoughts randomly creeping up, mental falling out of control, and substance in hand to make me feel something.
what i've learned, is that growth doesn't happen instantly. it can happen slow. you can ease into it and take it step by step. you don't need to wake up tomorrow and change everything overnight. that's un-realistic.
to rebuild you must do it brick by brick. you have to lay a foundation that you can build on top of, without it all crashing back down a couple days or weeks later. this is much easier said than done. and usually will only be able to happen once you truly hit your point of maximum pain.
progress is not perfection.
progress is progress.
the hardest about losing generational wealth is coming to terms with the fact that rebuilding is now a must. that no one is coming to save you. you must save yourself.
it takes a high level of mental fortitude to be able to keep going. many people aren't cut out for it, and this is where 99% are never able to recover from. the amount of mental stress that losing generational wealth (twice in my case) will give you is enough to convince you that none of this is worth it.
rebuilding is not easy, by any means. you need to accept the fact that with everything you've fought through, it's not going to get any easier. but the person that you will become. the lore that you will have... if you are able to pull it off. is worth everything and more.
you have to forget about your portfolio ath. it is only going to hold you back big time. reset, accept reality, and begin moving forward once again.
the why questions trap you in the past: “why did this happen to me?” “why did i have to go through this?” “why couldn’t i have done something differently?”
they feel productive, but they’re just emotional quicksand. you sink into them. you replay the same scenes. you negotiate with ghosts. you try to rewrite moments that already happened.
the truth is: those whys have no answers that will help you move forward. reframing means turning those dead end questions into how’s. questions that point toward movement, growth, and actual progress.
from “why did this happen to me?” → “how can i use what happened?”
from “why did i have to go through this?” → “how did this shape who i’m becoming?”
from “why couldn’t i have done something differently?” → “how can i act differently now?”
whys point backward.
how’s point forward.
none of this is easy. it's not meant to be. and it's funny, because the most meaningful, and correct pieces of advice/lessons are often times the most simple and basic.
but it's much easier said than done, and understanding that is a big part of the battle. you are at war with yourself. if you are able to consistently show up. even when you're tired, even when you're discouraged, even when the old you is pulling you back. you start to win small battles. and those small battles matter more than people realize.
the war isn’t loud. it’s not cinematic. it’s in the quiet moments:
every time you do that, you weaken the old version of yourself. the version that collapsed. the version that spiraled. the version that reacted instead of responded.
but the old you isn’t going to just disappear. it wants control back. it knows your weaknesses, your patterns, your triggers. it knows how to get in your head and convince you that nothing matters. that’s what makes it a war.
you don’t win it in a single moment. you win it by refusing to let the old you take back ground. by reclaiming inches. by stacking small wins that slowly redefine who you are.
and when you fall short, because you will, the war is choosing not to let one bad day become a bad week. not letting one slip become a collapse. not letting one mistake destroy all the progress you’ve made.
the war is the fight for the next version of you.
acceptance isn’t giving up. it’s the moment you stop fighting the past and finally face the reality in front of you. it’s understanding that the collapse already happened. the spirals already happened. the damage already happened. you can’t rewrite any of it.
but you can decide what it means. acceptance is when you stop resisting the truth and start building from it.
it’s when you stop comparing your present to your old highs and finally say, “this is where i am, and that’s enough to start.”
it’s not peace at first. acceptance stings. it feels like accepting defeat. but it’s really the first sign of strength. because the moment you accept reality, you gain the power to change it.
acceptance isn’t the end of the story. it’s the beginning of the rebuild.
there comes a point where you question everything. your path, your purpose, your identity, your future. it’s uncomfortable, but necessary. questioning isn’t a sign of weakness. it’s a sign of awakening.
you start asking the real questions you avoided for years: am i living for myself or for my ego? am i chasing fulfillment or chasing validation? am i trying to rebuild… or just trying to feel whole again? what version of me am i actually trying to become?
you question your habits, your coping mechanisms, your old beliefs. you question what you stand for. you question what actually matters.
because sometimes you need everything to fall apart for the truth to finally reveal itself. sometimes the collapse is the only thing strong enough to make you rethink your entire identity.
questioning it all is how you finally learn who you truly are, without the noise, without the money, without the ego, without the distractions. only then can you rebuild with intention.
when you zoom out, the journey isn’t about losing millions or making them back. it’s about who you became because of everything that happened.
you went through hell. you broke. you rebuilt. you questioned. you grew. and no matter how dark it got, you’re still here. fighting your way forward.
most people never experience a rise. even fewer survive a collapse. almost no one comes back from it twice. that alone says everything about your strength.
the truth is: your story isn’t over. it’s barely starting.
you’re not rebuilding to get back to some old version of yourself. you’re building someone entirely new, someone wiser, steadier, more intentional, more dangerous in the best way.
someone forged by pain, not defined by it. your next chapter is the one that counts. and the version of you that’s coming… is the version all of this was preparing you for.
i've been through a lot. i struggle daily. a lot of what i've written out is a lot easier to write out, then to actually do. i promise i realize that. and i want whoever is reading this to know that i'm struggling too. it's not meant to be easy.
some days i question whether it's all worth it. some days i'm heads down with full conviction. some days i'm consistent and building new habits. some days i relapse and find myself back to square 1.
i write this article to try and give a pov from someone still in the midst of their journey. full transparency, and actual genuine intent behind the messages i'm sharing.
my lore has been nothing short of insane. the highest of highs, the lowest of lows. this past year in particular has been nothing but constant, endless, and engulfing stress and depression.
i'm really at a point in my life where i want more than ever to fully break out... to do what i know i have to do to start moving forward again. and to be honest, nothing really motivates or inspires me as much as knowing my story (if i'm able to pull it off), could help motivate thousands if not millions of people in similar positions as mine.
i understand the pain. this dream life we're chasing... these high expectations we set for ourselves... not accepting to just be normal, moving along w the motions... it will break you. it will humble you. it will push you to the brink.
but as someone who's reached the pinnacle of success before (as far as my own age), i can tell you all with full certainty it's all worth it. the moment that you reach your goals, and feel that peace. you will look back and be thankful you never stopped. you'll look back and notice how everything that you went through was actually neccessary for you to get to that point.
so embrace it all. the lows, the highs. the struggles, and the joys. move with optimism and full conviction that one day it will all work out, but also understanding that it's not about the destination... it's about who you will become on this journey. (corny but real).
everyone deals with shit. relative to your own life and what you have going on, you're problems aren't easy. but no one is coming to save you. you must save yourself.
and one day... it will all have been worth it. cheers to monaco 2026